The Wedding

I am sitting in court right now and of course my mind is thinking about the wedding 5 years ago that brought me into Divorce Court today. Seperated for over 2 years now and we are still dealing with all of this crap.

I am reminded of the last wedding I attended as a guest. Actually, as I think about it is the only wedding that I have been to where I was not in it, as the groom or in the wedding party. It was actually pretty relaxing.

One of the relatives and I sat there at the reception talking about the excitement of wedding while going though a divorce. I disagreed with a lot of the things he was saying. He kept bad mouthing marriage and how horrible the concept is.

My cousin (the Bride) ended up over hearing some of his comments. I could not handle it, here is my baby cousin on her wedding day over hearing some bitter guy talking about something that this young lady was dreaming about forever. She was happy and I couldn't let anything upset that.

I ended up taking my cousin aside and telling her that although I am a 2 time divorcee and I have sworn off marriage I was excited for her.

This world is a rough one and fighting all the little battles we as humans face is tough and draining on the soul. Marriage is saying to someone tha you want to take on your own battles and help them fight the world with their battles. Marriage is an institution that is amazing if both parts combine powers to take on the world. The problem is when the two parties involved fight their seperate battles and disregard the other person or turn it into a fight against this team mate you have selected.

When someone is part of a marriage they sometimes deny that they have weaknesses and need help with things in the world that are attacking them. They end up hiding these battles from their partner and when the battle turns into a war they forget that the ally is waiting there as backup incase you need help or maybe just provide a little obsticle so you can rest and be refreshed for another battle. The goal in a marriage is to provide support and assistance in all you do as a couple or as individuals. Managing each battle as two is so much easier than as individuals as long as you don't get in each others way.

It is important to know that when a person in a marriage has the ability to communicate with their partner about everything then marriage is a wonderful amazing thing. The problem always exists when things are kept from each other and the battles of life start beating you.

I am not sure if she understood this and I am not sure if it makes sence to anyone other than me. But I hope that no one else has to feel the pain that I am feeling right now as I am waiting to get called in front of the judge.

Regrets, None Here

There are so many times that I am asked if I regret things I have done in the past. I can honestly say that I have no regrets. But then I look at my life and think of all the little moments that were life changing for me. I think of the moments that looking back at them would have changed who I am now and what I have become. One of my favorite movies of all times is Star Wars, think about how that Trilogy would have turned out if Luke didn't make the decision to take the tracking devise off R2-D2. How about if Uncle Owen decided not to take C3PO and R2-D2 from the Jawa's. Would Luke ever have met Obi Won Kenobe? Would Uncle Owen have ever let Luke join the Academy? The story would have been a lot different. When I look back at my life and think about the little choices I have made that would have made my life completly different. How could I regret any of my choices? I can think of more little situations that have led me down the path I have taken. There are countless times where people have said to me that I am making a wrong choice, there are times I can remember that even I think I have made the wrong choice. Whenever someone asks me if I have any regrets all I can think saying is, "none, I am happy with who I have become." Then I think about Star Wars with another view, how many situations in life have really made me who I am but have never had any input from me? How many other people could have changed my life story by making a different decision? What would have happened to the story if the Storm Troopers forgot to switch their weapons to stun before they shot Princess Leia? How about if we heard, "there are no life forms, shoot it down for practice." when R2-D2 and C3PO were in the escape pod on the way to Tatoine? That changes a lot of things, when someone asks me if I have any regrets, I am happy with the decisions I have made, but maybe there are some people that have regrets because of the way my life has turned out. So from now on my answer to the question, do I have any regrets? is going to have to be, "No, I am happy. Does that make you regret anything?"

Dead Beat Parents

Another Holiday season come and gone. Another gift giving time where my daughter axiously awaits the package that her mother promised and another disappointing time for my daughter. "Maybe it is lost in the mail" "Maybe she couldn't send it because she had to much school work." "Maybe she couldn't afford to send it, she does have 2 other children dad" These are the reasons she has come up with this year. 10 years of this crap and I can not understand how this girl can sit here and wait time and time again. No phone call, no card, nothing... I found her mother on myspace, what a wonderful sight. A woman with a child she has seen 2 times in the past 10 years. Two children with her current husband that is serving in Iraq and here is her Myspace. The Profile picture, her making out with a guy on the couch. You would think it would be a picture of the husband that is serving the country in Iraq, YOU WOULD BE WRONG!!! This is some 20 year old guy who in her words, "Would give up everything to have more babies with." Why does my daughter have such an image of this woman? How I wish I could show these pictures to my daughter and say, "This is the woman that gave birth to you, do not think she is the perfect woman." I vowed the day the divorce was final that I would never talk bad about the mother of my child, I would never hurt the image of this woman that gave birth to my beautiful daughter. Why is this woman making it so hard for me to keep this promise? Please help me figure out what to do? Please let me hear your story about the dead beat parent in your childrens lives. Let me know I am not the only one out there that has these issues with the egg/sperm donor in your childrens lives.

A Tattoo to Heal

"I want that one," I said pointing to the perfect image of a Bald Eagle with the full moon behind it. "Where would you like it?" The tattoo artist asked in a bored monotone voice. I could sense the boredom of a man used to new recruits walking in as if they were going to be the next hero a movie would be about. A bunch of kids that barrely had to shave, could not legally go into a bar and order a drinkand have never had the opportunity to vote for the Commander in Cheif that was going to send them to horrors they could not imagine. I was the typical new recruit that left for basic training with the most beautiful girl waiting for my return to have the small wedding in my new uniform. I not only thought I needed to do the ritual tattoo a graduate wanted but I needed some meaning to mine. While I was looking though the abused three ring binder of cookie cutter tattoo's, all I could think about was the letter I received half way though Basic Training. The Letter that made my heart leap and my spirits soar when I saw the beautiful hand writing of my love. "I know this is not easy for you and you are going though a stressful time. I can not imagine how alone you must feel in a place where you know no one. I have been doing a lot of thinking this past month and realize that I want to enjoy my first year of college and not worry about being a wife. I want to see you before you leave the country but I can only see you as a friend. I am sorry." I had full intentions of a tattoo that showed my torment, maybe a heart that was getting torn like a piece of paper, or a boot squashing the life out of a heart. I then saw this Eagle which to me was a symbol of America, a symbol of strenght, power and most of all wisdom. A moon, a huge mass that lost a part at every rotation, the look of damage every time it passed by, but a mass that always regenerated and you could count on seeing whole again. The combination of the two symbols made a symbol that showed my prayers. The prayer I said every night, "Lord, please give me the strength to heal my damaged heart. Give me the wisdom that it will heal. Lord show me that my heart will regenerate like the moon so easily does. Lord let me survive and learn from this pain." "So, where do you want it," the impatient artist asked once again. "Above my heart," I said with the air of confidence I have not felt since I opened that envelope.

The Humor of Life

I started this blog in hopes to help my writing.  I have always been interested in creative writing and telling the stories of my life with little exagerations.  I do want to get something out there that has the disclaimer, "All names have been changed to protect the innocent" (does that mean I don't have to change the name if they were guilty?)

I have started a few projects over the years to find that my life is very humorous to outsiders and the stories I can tell would make a great sitcom.  I however can not finish one story without something else in my life taking a humorous turn towards a tragic comedy.  Then there is also the fact that I tend to write more and better while I am in a depressed state of mind, which is hard to do when you are trying write about it and it ends up making you laugh.  So I am trying to get an idea of how to finish a project.  How can I finish a project when the weekly grind of life makes it difficult to think that the past week was tragic?

Right now I am working on the past tragic instance in my life but I am looking at how the path that was tragic at the time has led to the beautiful (and humorous) events of the present.  It just makes me think more about the regrets I do not have.  There have been a lot of things that people may look at and say, "Don't you regret that decision?"  But everytime I actually sit down to think about it I view the outcome of that decision and think, "I wouldn't change it because it has made me the man that I am today."

 

Okay Girls give me a little Feed back

Okay ladies, As a single father with 2 girls I can already tell I am in deep Dodo... The other day I was doing the "Dad is right" Argument with my 11 year old. I ended up with the vein on my forehead throbbing and saying, "You are not a teenager yet, why do you have the attitude already." Now here I am getting a little angry with my 11 year old Daughter. She says, "Dad I am a Girl, its called PMS" Okay I know a little about women, but what I want to know is: 1. When they seperate the boys and girls for health class do they actually say, "Now if a man gets on your nerves, Treat him like crap and say it is PMS." 2. I looked under the Sink where all the Feminine Products are to see if she has needed them yet, boxes are all closed still. Can she legally use this excuse before she starts getting that monthly visit? And just to finish the story... After she said that I had to leave the room because I was laughing so much...