Regrets, None Here

There are so many times that I am asked if I regret things I have done in the past. I can honestly say that I have no regrets. But then I look at my life and think of all the little moments that were life changing for me. I think of the moments that looking back at them would have changed who I am now and what I have become. One of my favorite movies of all times is Star Wars, think about how that Trilogy would have turned out if Luke didn't make the decision to take the tracking devise off R2-D2. How about if Uncle Owen decided not to take C3PO and R2-D2 from the Jawa's. Would Luke ever have met Obi Won Kenobe? Would Uncle Owen have ever let Luke join the Academy? The story would have been a lot different. When I look back at my life and think about the little choices I have made that would have made my life completly different. How could I regret any of my choices? I can think of more little situations that have led me down the path I have taken. There are countless times where people have said to me that I am making a wrong choice, there are times I can remember that even I think I have made the wrong choice. Whenever someone asks me if I have any regrets all I can think saying is, "none, I am happy with who I have become." Then I think about Star Wars with another view, how many situations in life have really made me who I am but have never had any input from me? How many other people could have changed my life story by making a different decision? What would have happened to the story if the Storm Troopers forgot to switch their weapons to stun before they shot Princess Leia? How about if we heard, "there are no life forms, shoot it down for practice." when R2-D2 and C3PO were in the escape pod on the way to Tatoine? That changes a lot of things, when someone asks me if I have any regrets, I am happy with the decisions I have made, but maybe there are some people that have regrets because of the way my life has turned out. So from now on my answer to the question, do I have any regrets? is going to have to be, "No, I am happy. Does that make you regret anything?"

A Tattoo to Heal

"I want that one," I said pointing to the perfect image of a Bald Eagle with the full moon behind it. "Where would you like it?" The tattoo artist asked in a bored monotone voice. I could sense the boredom of a man used to new recruits walking in as if they were going to be the next hero a movie would be about. A bunch of kids that barrely had to shave, could not legally go into a bar and order a drinkand have never had the opportunity to vote for the Commander in Cheif that was going to send them to horrors they could not imagine. I was the typical new recruit that left for basic training with the most beautiful girl waiting for my return to have the small wedding in my new uniform. I not only thought I needed to do the ritual tattoo a graduate wanted but I needed some meaning to mine. While I was looking though the abused three ring binder of cookie cutter tattoo's, all I could think about was the letter I received half way though Basic Training. The Letter that made my heart leap and my spirits soar when I saw the beautiful hand writing of my love. "I know this is not easy for you and you are going though a stressful time. I can not imagine how alone you must feel in a place where you know no one. I have been doing a lot of thinking this past month and realize that I want to enjoy my first year of college and not worry about being a wife. I want to see you before you leave the country but I can only see you as a friend. I am sorry." I had full intentions of a tattoo that showed my torment, maybe a heart that was getting torn like a piece of paper, or a boot squashing the life out of a heart. I then saw this Eagle which to me was a symbol of America, a symbol of strenght, power and most of all wisdom. A moon, a huge mass that lost a part at every rotation, the look of damage every time it passed by, but a mass that always regenerated and you could count on seeing whole again. The combination of the two symbols made a symbol that showed my prayers. The prayer I said every night, "Lord, please give me the strength to heal my damaged heart. Give me the wisdom that it will heal. Lord show me that my heart will regenerate like the moon so easily does. Lord let me survive and learn from this pain." "So, where do you want it," the impatient artist asked once again. "Above my heart," I said with the air of confidence I have not felt since I opened that envelope.

The Humor of Life

I started this blog in hopes to help my writing.  I have always been interested in creative writing and telling the stories of my life with little exagerations.  I do want to get something out there that has the disclaimer, "All names have been changed to protect the innocent" (does that mean I don't have to change the name if they were guilty?)

I have started a few projects over the years to find that my life is very humorous to outsiders and the stories I can tell would make a great sitcom.  I however can not finish one story without something else in my life taking a humorous turn towards a tragic comedy.  Then there is also the fact that I tend to write more and better while I am in a depressed state of mind, which is hard to do when you are trying write about it and it ends up making you laugh.  So I am trying to get an idea of how to finish a project.  How can I finish a project when the weekly grind of life makes it difficult to think that the past week was tragic?

Right now I am working on the past tragic instance in my life but I am looking at how the path that was tragic at the time has led to the beautiful (and humorous) events of the present.  It just makes me think more about the regrets I do not have.  There have been a lot of things that people may look at and say, "Don't you regret that decision?"  But everytime I actually sit down to think about it I view the outcome of that decision and think, "I wouldn't change it because it has made me the man that I am today."

 

The Smoking Challenge

Sometimes I am just amazed at my oldest daughter. One of the gifts I received this year might be the most thoughtful gift I have ever recieved. My daughter is now 11 and of course in school she has learned how bad smoking is to you and the dangers of smoking. I am not sure how she came up with this stuff but when I was opening presents this year for Christmas she had wraped a package and what was inside made me feel a lot of emotions. All at once I felt happiness, love, pride, and most of all Fear. She had made this present from her heart that was for sure and the first thing I saw was a note,

Dad, I love you but this present is for your daughters.

So I continued on though a small package. The next thing I saw in the package was a Contract already signed by my Oldest Daughter and a Scribble Mark from my youngest. There was a space on the contract for me to sign. This Contract said that I would try to quit smoking on Monday, January 7, 2008. On this day I will allow my daughter to throw away all my cigarettes, Lighters, Ashtrays and anything else she believes causes me to smoke.

After I read though it I noticed that there was a pen in this little package and some 3x5 cards. There were little things on the cards that my daughter wrote. "Dad, I want you to see me Graduate from High School." and "'Dad, I want you to see me go to my Prom.' 'Dad, I want you to see me get married.' 'Dad, I want my children to know you.' 'Dad, we Love you.'"

This brought the tears, I quickly grabbed the pen and signed the contract. I am looking forward to January 7th, 2008. I feel it is going to be a great year.

I wonder if she read this Blog!

Political Affiliation?

I was talking to my Uncle about why Medical Marijuana should be legal. His Wife, a retired Doctor, was agreeing with me. Me (in Pain) was explaining the benefits of Medical Marijuana. My Uncle started calling me a Hippie Democrat. I was raised in a Very Republican Family. You say Hillary at a family function and people start throwing things at you. (It really sucks for my cousin named Hillary) I am registered as a Republican to Vote. I then started to think about it. Am I really a Republican. How do I know. I believe that all Doctors should be able to determine the right Medication for a person without Federal involvement. I believe All SUV's should have back up warning systems. I believe That as a Man I have no right telling a woman that she can't have an Abortion. And I believe that US Veterans should have free Medical after they get injured during service to the Country. Am I a Democrat??? I CAN'T BE!!!