The Wedding

I am sitting in court right now and of course my mind is thinking about the wedding 5 years ago that brought me into Divorce Court today. Seperated for over 2 years now and we are still dealing with all of this crap.

I am reminded of the last wedding I attended as a guest. Actually, as I think about it is the only wedding that I have been to where I was not in it, as the groom or in the wedding party. It was actually pretty relaxing.

One of the relatives and I sat there at the reception talking about the excitement of wedding while going though a divorce. I disagreed with a lot of the things he was saying. He kept bad mouthing marriage and how horrible the concept is.

My cousin (the Bride) ended up over hearing some of his comments. I could not handle it, here is my baby cousin on her wedding day over hearing some bitter guy talking about something that this young lady was dreaming about forever. She was happy and I couldn't let anything upset that.

I ended up taking my cousin aside and telling her that although I am a 2 time divorcee and I have sworn off marriage I was excited for her.

This world is a rough one and fighting all the little battles we as humans face is tough and draining on the soul. Marriage is saying to someone tha you want to take on your own battles and help them fight the world with their battles. Marriage is an institution that is amazing if both parts combine powers to take on the world. The problem is when the two parties involved fight their seperate battles and disregard the other person or turn it into a fight against this team mate you have selected.

When someone is part of a marriage they sometimes deny that they have weaknesses and need help with things in the world that are attacking them. They end up hiding these battles from their partner and when the battle turns into a war they forget that the ally is waiting there as backup incase you need help or maybe just provide a little obsticle so you can rest and be refreshed for another battle. The goal in a marriage is to provide support and assistance in all you do as a couple or as individuals. Managing each battle as two is so much easier than as individuals as long as you don't get in each others way.

It is important to know that when a person in a marriage has the ability to communicate with their partner about everything then marriage is a wonderful amazing thing. The problem always exists when things are kept from each other and the battles of life start beating you.

I am not sure if she understood this and I am not sure if it makes sence to anyone other than me. But I hope that no one else has to feel the pain that I am feeling right now as I am waiting to get called in front of the judge.

Dead Beat Parents

Another Holiday season come and gone. Another gift giving time where my daughter axiously awaits the package that her mother promised and another disappointing time for my daughter. "Maybe it is lost in the mail" "Maybe she couldn't send it because she had to much school work." "Maybe she couldn't afford to send it, she does have 2 other children dad" These are the reasons she has come up with this year. 10 years of this crap and I can not understand how this girl can sit here and wait time and time again. No phone call, no card, nothing... I found her mother on myspace, what a wonderful sight. A woman with a child she has seen 2 times in the past 10 years. Two children with her current husband that is serving in Iraq and here is her Myspace. The Profile picture, her making out with a guy on the couch. You would think it would be a picture of the husband that is serving the country in Iraq, YOU WOULD BE WRONG!!! This is some 20 year old guy who in her words, "Would give up everything to have more babies with." Why does my daughter have such an image of this woman? How I wish I could show these pictures to my daughter and say, "This is the woman that gave birth to you, do not think she is the perfect woman." I vowed the day the divorce was final that I would never talk bad about the mother of my child, I would never hurt the image of this woman that gave birth to my beautiful daughter. Why is this woman making it so hard for me to keep this promise? Please help me figure out what to do? Please let me hear your story about the dead beat parent in your childrens lives. Let me know I am not the only one out there that has these issues with the egg/sperm donor in your childrens lives.

Marriage Debate?

I have been married twice and have been known as a serial monogamist. Marriage is very important to me and I think it is a great institution. I have recently been divorced for the second time but I still believe that marriage is great. I was the best man at my brothers wedding a couple of months ago and was trying to come up with a speech. I began my speech, "If you know who I am then you know I can not make a speech about how to keep a marriage together." Which is true, how can someone that has been married 2 times and divorced 2 times give any sort of advice on how to keep a marriage together. So I was having a hard time coming up with this speech. I thought about it for a long time. Why do I think Marriage is great? Life can be difficult at times. Sometimes the world seams like it is against you and it feels like a battle over keeping yourself alive. I have seen a lot of hardship in my life and I have had a lot of battles that I wasn't sure I would make it though. when you have that special friendship with someone that knows how to be your team mate though life they become a very important alley in your battle against the world. When you have a friendship like that then it can get to the point that both of you want to form an alliance for everything that you are ever going to have to handle, the good and the bad. You are going to get out of a battle and want to celebrate with that person. You may become to tiered to make it thought the next battle so your friend may have to jump to the front lines and cushion the blow for you until you can handle it again. That person becomes your life. You realize that every battle you both face become a battle you both have to get though because you do not want the world to win any battle against you or your friend. You become a partnership. This partnership becomes a marriage of two warriors that work together as a team to reach a happy life. Why would a couple not be able to join together? Because the Religious zealots believe that it is a sin? That makes no sense to me at all. I am not homosexual but I hope those friends of mine that are can someday feel the joy of marriage and enjoy that partnership for life. The government needs to understand that if you want to start looking at things in a religious view then they need to realize that you should "love the sinner but not the sin." Live like you are married and support each other in time of battle and life will be rewarding and happier. Let same sex marriages happen.