Always Exciting in Dru's World

I want to make an announcement for all of those that have been kind enough to actually look at this blog for the past few months when I have been to busy to post any new news. Please check out http://babydru.blogspot.com/ Thanks DruU

Dead Beat Parents

Another Holiday season come and gone. Another gift giving time where my daughter axiously awaits the package that her mother promised and another disappointing time for my daughter. "Maybe it is lost in the mail" "Maybe she couldn't send it because she had to much school work." "Maybe she couldn't afford to send it, she does have 2 other children dad" These are the reasons she has come up with this year. 10 years of this crap and I can not understand how this girl can sit here and wait time and time again. No phone call, no card, nothing... I found her mother on myspace, what a wonderful sight. A woman with a child she has seen 2 times in the past 10 years. Two children with her current husband that is serving in Iraq and here is her Myspace. The Profile picture, her making out with a guy on the couch. You would think it would be a picture of the husband that is serving the country in Iraq, YOU WOULD BE WRONG!!! This is some 20 year old guy who in her words, "Would give up everything to have more babies with." Why does my daughter have such an image of this woman? How I wish I could show these pictures to my daughter and say, "This is the woman that gave birth to you, do not think she is the perfect woman." I vowed the day the divorce was final that I would never talk bad about the mother of my child, I would never hurt the image of this woman that gave birth to my beautiful daughter. Why is this woman making it so hard for me to keep this promise? Please help me figure out what to do? Please let me hear your story about the dead beat parent in your childrens lives. Let me know I am not the only one out there that has these issues with the egg/sperm donor in your childrens lives.

Momma's Boy, Insult?

Post Moved To http://druutopia.com/Joomla/content/view/12/1/

This years Gifts for my daughter... I am Broke

Recently Divorced and raising my two children on my own without child support from their mothers I am having a hard time coming up with christmas presents for them this year. My older daughter has toured the world with me living in apartments all over the US and Europe but we have never had a place that was "ours" This year I bought a house and my daughter has been upset with me because I have taken the smaller bedroom but it has a walk in closet. She is also upset that I have not allowed her to paint her room yet. Her whole life she has wanted to choose the color of her room but because of the apartment rental aggrements we were never allowed to pain. This year when my daughter wakes up there is going to be a ribbon and bow accross my bedroom door. There will be a card that says, "I am sorry the elves didn't get to make the toys you asked for this year so we helped your father move to the spare bedroom so you can have this one." She will open the door and see that my bedroom has been completely emptied out and there will be a few presents in the middle of the floor. When she gets the presents opened she will see a couple of cans of paint, a few paint brushes and a paint roller. Christmas afternoon I am going to send her to her grandmothers and when she gets back her new room will have a fresh coat of pain. Next year, New Carpet...

What I am Thankful For

I know this is a site with many people that live in other countries but Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I know it is suppose to be a day that I am suppose to say I am Thankful for certain things. This year I could only come up with one thing that made me thankful. This isn't because I am not thankful for everything in my life but because it was what has been on my mind for weeks.My family is HUGE and every year that I can remember dinner was my whole family getting together with my grandparents their kids and my Generation. Last year it was 48 people for dinner. This year there were a couple of weddings and a few more births. We were expecting 57 for dinner. Only 53 showed up. of course that is my brother which really sucks because I wanted to see him the most.So my daughter asked me what I was thankful for. I could only think of one thing:We are a large family and we just keep getting bigger and bigger. Every year Grandma sits down and we all gather her around and catch up on the past year. I am most thankful that with all that has happened in this family we all still get together and we all still have a good time.I think it is amazing that my Grandmother can actually sit down one day a year and see her 6 children, 16 Grandchildren, and 18 great grand children. This does not include spouces and boy/girlfriends that show up. I told my daughter, "When you and your sister get older, The only thing that I will ever ask for is that at least one day a year I want to sit down to dinner with my Daughters and grand kids and great grand kids." Origional Post Here

Down and Outs of a Single Parent

I am having a bad day, I need to vent, Do not pity me because my life is actually great, I just need to Vent... This happens to me a lot when I feel Human. I was not raised to believe in Faith and to think that everything in life I receive is a result of my dedication and hard work. I have since changed my opinion and know that the things I receive in life are a direct result of my faith and dedication to my faith. I feel that I have been handed test after test and that is just to remind me that I am human. I am a man that has fought hard and strong to gain the ability to raise my children while their mothers are doing other things far away from their children. I say this because I thank God everyday for this great opportunity that most fathers of Divorce do not receive. Yesterday I went to court again for Child Support for my youngest. Again I was told that to make a determination they are going to postpone things for another month. I know the State has a calculation that is required and I know what the mother of my child makes a lot more than I do. Today I am having a hard time remembering that it will all work out in the end. My ex lives with another guy now, her bring home is $5000/month. I know he makes around $4800/month. My Ex is also on TV everyday and out of respect I do not mention who she is or what Network she works for. I told the Court yesterday that I am having a hard time and all I am asking for is half of Daycare = $300/month What really upsets me is She called last night to talk to my daughter and was so cheerful that with this postponement she will go a total of 2 years without paying a dime. She was explaining that she is making a trip to Europe, just bought a 40 inch plasma TV, and is driving a brand new Jeep Wrangler. That doesn't bother me, until I think - Christmas is next month, I can not buy either of my kids anything, My rent check bounced, my car payment is a month behind and my electric company is threatening to turn off my electricity. I was told last night that I need to cut down on some things that are not a necessity so I went though everything- Rent- I have to have a place to live - and it is not nice Electric - I need to have lights - I could live with candles Food - I can live off of one meal a day - but my kids can't Garbage - Okay I stopped paying that and sneak to a dumpster down the road -shhh!!! Gas - Its getting cold out so I need Heat in the house and I need to use the oven to cook the food Daycare - I need to go to work so I have to have someone to watch the children Telephone - I am court ordered to have a phone so the mother can call my daughter Car - I have to get to work - I owe more than it is worth but I have a for sale sign in it. No Cable, No Internet at home, Don't go out to eat, Entertainment is usually a Dora Video that I have had for years, Barbie book, or movie from the Library. I do not see any wants that I can cut back on... The Dru Story - coming soon to a blog near you...

Which provides for a better camping experience: RVs or tent-camping?

Yes I definitely have to put my 2 cents on this one. I love camping and will continue to camp because of the memories I have of my childhood and the memories I want for my children. When I was growing up I had camping experiences with both of my parents in an RV, after they were divorced my father continued with the annual camping trip but we were using Tents and sleeping bags. I think of the memories I have of camping and remember before the divorce there is only one trip in the RV that can be recalled. This was the camping trip that was in California and we had to run into the RV and hide from a Bear that really enjoyed our popcorn that we were all sharing. Unfortunately, that is the only camping trip I remember from the RV era and that is the only part of the trip I remember. Then I sit back and think of all the times that me and my brother would slip out of the Tent in the post divorce camping trips and rub a branch against dads tent to see him run out to investigate to find his two sons laughing in the dirt. I can recall many times trying to hang a flashlight in the tent during a rain storm so we can all fit in the tent and see the cards that we were playing. I think that is the only time during Summer Vacation that me and my brother would wake up before the sun came up to get out fishing. I now realize while writing this that those were the only times that me, my brother and my father would stay together 24 hours a day without getting on each others nerves. Although I started writing this expecting to start saying things like, "save the environment" and "gas is too expensive" I now realize that if my father was able to keep the RV we would have watched TV, listened to Music, and ignored each other just like when we were home. With out those luxuries we were forced to spend time talking, playing games and enjoying each others company. It might have been hard for us to keep the Tent from smelling bad or keep our clothes dry the whole trip but believe me the relationship between the three of us is what came out of the tent and it has stayed strong even though we have not made that trip in 15 years. Now that states seperate all of us there are still times that I will sit there and enjoy the memories of our camping experiences and it always puts a smile on my face.

Cinderella's Dad?

Everyone knows the story of Cinderella. There are a few things about the story that I would like clarification on. 1. What happened to Cinderella's Father? I know he died, but how? 2. Do you think her father knew what Cinderella's step mother was really like? 3. Do you think her father treated her better than her step sister's? These are very important questions in the story. How manipulative was her step mother? Was she actually able to hide her hate from her husband? Was Cinderella's father a good father and protect his daughter? Was he able to show love to the children in his family that were not his blood? makes you wonder...

Being a single father

I was a single father from the time my daughter was 21 months until I remarried when she was 6. I then had another daughter and after the divorce I am now a single father again of two daughters, 11 and 3. I am surprised at how many programs and help a single mother can get but there is very little out there offered to me and my daughters. When I was younger and had a 21 month old I was also very poor. I went to the local WIC office and when I asked if I could apply I was told, "Its WOMEN, Infants and Children." After a few weeks of letters to higher people in the organization and a couple of weeks I was told that I would be able to get WIC benefits for my daughter. That helped out a little. Then came the battle of Child Support. I was working full time in an area that I had no relatives and payed almost half my paycheck for daycare. adparams.getadspec('c_billboard1'); The court ordered my daughters mother to pay me child support. After a year of not receiving any I decided it was time to press the issue. I ended up getting in touch with the child support enforcement organization in the county and asked them what was going on. I knew that there were laws that said a parent will lose their drivers license if they do not pay child support. I was told, "She is a mother of another child and since her husband in the military she is the primary care giver of that child. We can not take her drivers license away or she would not be able to get her other child to doctors appointments or get groceries." It was soon after this that I joined an organization that was fighting for fathers rights. But unfortunatly I was a father with custody and wasn't really what they were there for. 9 years later I still have not received any child support. Now lets jump to two years ago, I received primary physical custody of my younger daughter after the divorce. I live in one state and my ex-wife lives in another. My Daughter was 23 months old at the time. I have been trying to get child support for the past year and do to Paperwork problems or my ex-wife contesting the court child support decisions have been getting put on hold for this time. So I am now raising my daughters as a single father with one income, over $600 a month in daycare costs. I have to take vacation days every time they have a doctors appointment and I just found out that I need to come up with $5000 for braces on my oldest. It is now christmas time so I asked the Orthodontist if it would be possible to gift wrap the braces since I have $45 to buy christmas presents this year. So I have been a Single father in the late 90's and after a short break with some help I am now a single father a decade later. I no longer need to worry about it but when my oldest daughter was in Diapers the biggest proble I had was finding a place in public to change the Diaper. There were many times I would go to the manager of a store because there was not a Diaper changing table in the mens bathroom. After Diapers I would get funny looks when I would walk into a mens bathroom with a little girl in pig tails so she could use the rest room, more time than I can count I would have to leave because the bathroom was disgusting so I wouldn't let my daughter sit on the toilet. I have noticed this second time around that more mens bathrooms have diaper changing tables, I know this is something little but to me it is a huge battle against the stereotype of Men. We also take care of our children. On the opposite side of things I still have a hard time getting support from either of the mothers. I can not stand hearing how much bigger their house is than mine and I really hate the fact that my children come home from a visit and talk about thier trip to an amusement park. Here I am shopping at the Salvation Army, eating mac and cheese with hot dogs. All I can think is how much better my daughters lives would be with a couple of mothers that would actually help me.

Fear of a Dad

Last night I got home after work and my daughter ran to me and gave me a Huge Hug. This is normal but she held on a little longer this time. I said, "How was school." To make a long story short she said School was good, until the bus ride home. The School district is pretty far out in the country and she takes an hour bus ride each way. Because of this Middle School and High School share a bus. My daughter does have enough Common sense to let the High Schoolers sit in the back and her and her friends sit in the front. Well yesterday the Bus was full and she was unable to sit in the front. Her and her best friend had to sit in the back of the bus with the high schoolers. This is pretty scary to a 6th grader to begin with. I guess what happened next would have scared any woman and make any father ready to put a fist in a teenagers face. There were two high school boys on the bus in the seat infront of them. One of them pulled out a package of Condoms. Started Asking my daughter and friend if they knew what they were. So of course being that they are getting taught about Condoms in school they said yes. Well I guess one of the boys said, "Well, we use them for when we **** 6th graders on the back of the bus." Needless to say the two girls were sitting there scared to death for the whole hour of the bus ride. Scared to say anything and scared to move. I swear I am so ****ing pissed right now I am in the mood to torture these two boys. Of course trying to be the Adult that I am I have called the Principal of my daughters school, the principal of the High School and the Manager of the Bus Garage. They now know the boys names and will call me when they decide what they are going to do... I just want them in a room with my Daughters friends Father (Stereotypical Harley Davidson Rider, Don't think he owns clothes that aren't Leather) Just so we can put the fear in them that they put in our daughters.

Man in a Womens World

I am a Single father, therefore there are things I have to do that most fathers do not do. One thing I have to do is go to Girl Scouts and participate where I am 99.9% of the time the only father there. That is one example but I do find myself in situations where I am a man in what seams a Womens world. I know I am snesitive and can relate to a lot of women. I am a man raising two Girls. Braiding Hair and playing with Barbie is what I have to do. I understand that. But please remember I am a MAN. I do not want to sit there and listen to how your sex life is boring. I do not want to hear how your husband is inadequate. I will not get married again. Not because I hate marriage, I actually think it is amazing to be married, I now know what women say behind their husbands backs. I know that society believes that Men are the "Dogs" and all they think about is sex. I have news for you I have never heard so many outlandish conversations in my life. Women not only talk about sex constantly but they understand that they can get what ever they want. They play us men like you wouldn't believe. I love women I really do and there are a lot of times that I have fun hanging out with the "Moms." But I get to the point where they consider me one of the women and tell me things I do not have a need to know. Of course, there is the curiosity that gets me. I get pulled aside because I am a "safe man" to talk to. I get the women that want a mans opinion on things. The answer I have to the most popular problem, "If your husband wants to spend time with you, it is probably because he loves you, and wants to spend time with you." Very rarely is it just because he wants to smother you. If you are bored with your husband in bed, Experiment with him. Do not complain to your friends. Talk to him and teach him where you want to be touched. Everything has to do with communication. The way I see it is if you can talk to me after a Girl Scout meeting you should be able to talk to your husband about it.

Encourage those Kids

My mother stopped by the house early this morning. She got here in time for Pet hour. Pet hour is an hour every morning in my house where we all gang up on our pets. One walks the dog while the other cleans the Rabbit cage while the other cleans the kitty litter box, Then we move on to changing the Iguana cage and feed the fish. Then we count the mice for the snake while we clean that cage and the snake cage. My mom said, "Do you think you have enough pets?" My oldest has loved animals since the day she was born. She did not have dolls that she played with she had stuffed animals. When she was 5 I took her to the pet shop and told her to get anything she wanted (I wanted a puppy). She went over and picked out a baby Iguana. I told my mom that as long as my daughter with our help can take care of the animals in our family and show love to them all we will not worry about having to many. My daughter is now 11 years old and takes care of all the animals except during Pet Hour when we all pitch in. The Iguana that is now 5 feet long Loves to crawl up on the couch with me. I am still amazed that the Rabbit is trained to goto the kitty litter box when it has to go to the bathroom. I am amazed that when I call the cats name she comes running. These animals are not only loved by my daughter but they are all well behaved and trained. They all get along (Except the snake and the Mice). What My mom does not realize is although we have a lot of pets, my daughter needs the outlet. Having a daughter that is supposedly ADHD but has a father that will not put her on medication, She needs an outlet for her energy. Since I have been laxed on the pet thing and let her enjoy all these animals in the house her grades have improved dramatically. Her ability to make friends has improved. I also believe that her Ability to care for anyone is because she is learning to show love to the animals therefore able to show love to other people. I am so proud of My daughter.

Sexism

I am not trying to say one sex has it easier than others. But here is a little bit about my story. I am a single dad, I have had 2 marriages, 2 divorces, 2 custody battles, and have custody of both my kids. My first battle was short and sweet, I lost my dog but got my daughter. The problem was, I was a long way from any family and was new to the area so I had no friends. I was kicked out of the house with a back pack that contained a few days of clothes for me and a few days of clothes for my daughter. At the time i think I was making about $300 a week. I had no place to go and could not afford a hotel room. I was unable to find a shelter. There was a womens shelter there were rooms at the YWCA, there were Churches that would take my daughter but because they specialized with battered women they didn't want a man in the place. Finally a minister invited me to his house where his wife and oldest daughter watched my daughter so i could go to work. I got to the point where I finally could get a one bedroom place where we had a bed and a kitchen table. I applied for WIC (Women, Infants and Children) I could not receive this benefit because I was a man. After the divorce and everything with custody was settled I found a guy I worked with that had furniture and a 3 bedroom apartment so he let me and my daughter move in with him to help me get on my feet. My ex wife was not ordered to pay child support, Help with daycare or even medical benefits. I had nothing but the income I was working for. About a year later I finally got enough promotions and raises to get my own place. I called a friend of mine that was a lawyer and told him my story. He gave me a phone number to a newly formed group that was called Equal Rights for Fathers. They did paperwork for me so I could try and get Child support. Finally, 2 years after the divorce my ex was ordered to pay $300 per month for child support. She has yet to pay. after 2 years of non-payment I went to court again. I was told, "She is a stay at home mother. She is going to school full time and is not working. If we take her drivers license away she will not be able to get food for her children. If we send her to jail there is no one to take care of her kids." Her husband was making over 6 figures at this time, according to people I knew in that area she was living in a 4 bed room 2500 sq. ft. House and both drove BMW's. I was living in a 2 bedroom apartment and finally bought a TV. 9 years and 32,000 dollars in back child support I am trying to get it again.

Two years and My Daughter is still Scared

I broke a date this weekend... It would have been my first date since my divorce 2 years ago. (Yes I am pathetic) I sat my daughter down and talked to her about my date. I explained how I met this lady and what we were going to do. My daughter started to cry. Now she is 11 years old. I am a firm believer of never lying to my daughter. The truth I tell her is more in depth than the Truth I tell her half-sister who is 8 years younger. When I explained everything to her she cried and said she didn't want a step mother again. My divorce was the case of Step mom abusing my daughter. My kids are number one to me and she was upset that she wasn't number 1 so she would abuse my daughter. I tried to explain to my daughter that it was just a date and it wouldn't end up in marriage. She didn't care. So I broke the date. Am I being a wuss? Should I have not told her what I was doing? Should I have said, "Deal with it I am going?" I put my kids in front of a lot of things in my life and I am very happy doing that. But 2 years without a date is really starting to stress me out...